It has taken me so long to post the entry for week 4 because I had to get over being disappointed in myself. On Friday, January 24th I had to go to Atlanta, GA for weekend training. I have known about this training for quite some time now so you would think I would have taken the liberty of going on my me date earlier in the week. I did not. Friday night I am sitting in my hotel room and I am just beating myself up for letting life get in the way so early in my journey. Week 4 is not the week to already start standing myself up. You may be thinking 'but you were in Atlanta, just go out and do something.' Two things, first: our training and our accommodations were located at the beautiful Westin Atlanta Airport, which happens to look as if it is smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood you do not want to be lost in, in the middle of the night, all by yourself, as an out-of-towner.
Second, I hate Atlanta. I know, I know "HOW CAN YOU HATE ATLANTA?!" I get it all of the time. I don't do well with traffic (i.e., I suffer from a small case of road rage), I do not like crowds, I do not like being around a large number of people and those are things I did not need this journey to figure out about myself. I like small, intimate gatherings. There is nothing small or intimate about Atlanta, Georgia.
I digress.
The point is, my friend, I did not go on a date for week 4. I am disappointed in myself but not as disappointed as I was last week. Although I did not go on a date, I was still blessed with a realization about myself: I am too hard on Me. Disappointment is a part of life, I know I have had my fair share of being disappointed by others and I am sure I have disappointed people as well. I cannot think of a time I have ever been disappointed by someone else where I was as hard on them as I was on myself last week. Life happens, things come up, time slips by and sometimes, you have to reschedule a date. I finally had to remind myself, if last weeks date was cancelled by someone else, because they had something for work, I would have been disappointed about missing the date but not disappointed in them. And I would have understood. I am the least understanding person I have in my corner (read it slowly, it will make sense. Promise.)
So, on to why it took me so long for this entry. I had to wrap my mind around giving myself permission to slip up. Could I have had an earlier date? Yes. Could I have figured something out in Atlanta? Yes? Will life go on even though I didn't? Yes. That week is over now and I will not get it back, but it was a productive week and I got to see a large number of people that I care about deeply all in one place. I learned a lot and that weekend will help me to become a slightly better advocate. Plus, I have 48 weeks left to make up for the disappointment in Atlanta.
Until next time dear friend,
Be Blessed.
~LT
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